So as to not force you to read the whole things again, replies to the revision requests will be here where possible.
< TEXT HERE The Earth AU omits a number of important details. For example, it never mentions what Ashley's birth country is or what non-English language she and her father speak. It also doesn't mention how old Ashley is in actuality during the time she is lying about her age. Nor does the AU age listed for her at the moment she enters the game match the timeline of events. And the AU history does not explain what job she was able to obtain in a major university’s Art Department as an undergrad. We ask that these details be added. >
I was attempting to be succinct, so I may have missed stuff in trying to keep under the word limit. I appologize. I will attempt to clarify/expand here without being overly wordy.
Birth country I had omitted since she was so young she doesn't really remember it, but she is from Norway. Her father probably spoke Nynorsk. But Ashley has lost most of her first language and speaks primarily English. When she was claiming to be sixteen she was thirteen.
You may well be right that I goofed on the math of her real age. It was a long AU and it was developing as I wrote and I missed fixing that. I think a real age of 21 or 22 is closer to where she should be?
I said she worked in the office, I guess that I was just leaning too much into what I know from having worked in a college office as an undergrad. Basically she is a mix of a secretary and an assistant. I figure she was riding a desk and talking to students who came in to figure out if they needed to speak to a professor, if so who, or if it was a question she could answer with her database.
< The memory selected is for a different character than the one you’re app-ing. The Event memory can only be something your character experienced. (When we watched the clip, we did not see your character at all.) >
Okay so on that, if you go back to the start of the clip you will see that she was present. She was watching this happen and very connected to it because that was one of her two best friends, and the death was kind of sort of her fault. She is inside the building that the older man stepped out of to watch. She talks about the death later, so we know she observes it. I apologize that it was confusing, I was again, trying not to exceed limits, so context got lost. I am not as good at the short form as I would like to be.
< We would like you to explain what mechanisms Wake had in place to limit the game settings’ meta powers. Then we can determine if they are still in effect or not. >
Here is a link to word of Mod on Bending and limitations.
< The Earth AU needs to be plausible for the setting of our game which is modern Earth. There are a number of events in this AU that do not meet this criteria. The Earth AU seems engineered to maximize negative drama. The AU needs to be revised to be more plausible.
If you would prefer a detailed list of what we think makes the Earth AU implausible and too dramatic, you may contact the Mods. >
I will do so, so that I know what to fix. Thank you. I will admit to not knowing what the problem is with a negative and dramatic backstory, however. (as you can see by my other app as well.)
Thank you for giving me the chance to revise both apps. I will respond to Elphaba's/Ethel's separately, though will only bother the mod contact link once for both.
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Revisions/additions
Date: 2020-06-19 10:08 pm (UTC)< TEXT HERE The Earth AU omits a number of important details. For example, it never mentions what Ashley's birth country is or what non-English language she and her father speak. It also doesn't mention how old Ashley is in actuality during the time she is lying about her age. Nor does the AU age listed for her at the moment she enters the game match the timeline of events. And the AU history does not explain what job she was able to obtain in a major university’s Art Department as an undergrad. We ask that these details be added. >
I was attempting to be succinct, so I may have missed stuff in trying to keep under the word limit. I appologize. I will attempt to clarify/expand here without being overly wordy.
Birth country I had omitted since she was so young she doesn't really remember it, but she is from Norway. Her father probably spoke Nynorsk. But Ashley has lost most of her first language and speaks primarily English. When she was claiming to be sixteen she was thirteen.
You may well be right that I goofed on the math of her real age. It was a long AU and it was developing as I wrote and I missed fixing that. I think a real age of 21 or 22 is closer to where she should be?
I said she worked in the office, I guess that I was just leaning too much into what I know from having worked in a college office as an undergrad. Basically she is a mix of a secretary and an assistant. I figure she was riding a desk and talking to students who came in to figure out if they needed to speak to a professor, if so who, or if it was a question she could answer with her database.
< The memory selected is for a different character than the one you’re app-ing. The Event memory can only be something your character experienced. (When we watched the clip, we did not see your character at all.) >
Okay so on that, if you go back to the start of the clip you will see that she was present. She was watching this happen and very connected to it because that was one of her two best friends, and the death was kind of sort of her fault. She is inside the building that the older man stepped out of to watch. She talks about the death later, so we know she observes it. I apologize that it was confusing, I was again, trying not to exceed limits, so context got lost. I am not as good at the short form as I would like to be.
< We would like you to explain what mechanisms Wake had in place to limit the game settings’ meta powers. Then we can determine if they are still in effect or not. >
Here is a link to word of Mod on Bending and limitations.
< The Earth AU needs to be plausible for the setting of our game which is modern Earth. There are a number of events in this AU that do not meet this criteria. The Earth AU seems engineered to maximize negative drama. The AU needs to be revised to be more plausible.
If you would prefer a detailed list of what we think makes the Earth AU implausible and too dramatic, you may contact the Mods. >
I will do so, so that I know what to fix. Thank you. I will admit to not knowing what the problem is with a negative and dramatic backstory, however. (as you can see by my other app as well.)
Thank you for giving me the chance to revise both apps. I will respond to Elphaba's/Ethel's separately, though will only bother the mod contact link once for both.